so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
