Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
