my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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