Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
