Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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