I can tuck mytits in my pants
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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