there was a trapeze. enough said
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
