I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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