but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
