yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
