every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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