Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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