Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize