we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
