I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
