Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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