I want to have your abortion
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
