so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
