By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize