69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
