Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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