I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
