I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
