weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
