so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
