It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
