It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
