She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
