I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
