He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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