her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
