he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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