Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
