the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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