Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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