so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
