Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
