it hurts more in the daytime
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
