ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
