he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
