we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
