So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
