Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
