No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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