I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
