I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
