maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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