She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This baby is an asshole
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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