I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
