whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
