I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
