Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
