I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
