There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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