I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
