You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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