So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I deserve this hangover.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
