sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
