Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
