just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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