I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
